I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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