Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
