i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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