I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
