the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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