I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize