Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
