how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
do nipples grow back?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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