You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
