I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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