Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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