ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
