every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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