some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
