1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
