1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
