You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
