went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
