Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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