The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
