Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
