it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize