paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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