My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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