She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize