My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
