I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
