This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
