I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my shit smells like andre
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
