Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
