Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I want is dick and wine.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
