i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
