I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
