there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
