I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
