Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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