My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
