did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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