i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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