did you get engaged???
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We had to coat check the pizza.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Randomize
