Did you just see the Batmobile???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
