you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
