just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize