if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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