Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize