sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that's an acceptable place to lick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
