im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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