Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
