we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
