I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
