cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
