i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
