They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
