why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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