I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
