It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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