He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
should my penis look like a turkey
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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