every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
