I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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