His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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