wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had sex on a roof
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
