so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
