I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
