I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
