Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Found the puke drawer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
