I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
