I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
